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Digital safety: is my phone being monitored?

How to check whether your devices and location are being tracked, what to change first, and why your email password comes before everything else.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

To talk with a trained advocate — free, confidential, 24 hours a day — call the National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. You do not have to be leaving anything to call.

Assume nothing until you've checked. Monitoring is far more common than most people expect, and it is often installed by someone who had legitimate access to your phone.

Start here — the master key: change your primary email password first, from a device the other person has never touched. Email resets everything else, so it must be secured first. Then turn on two-factor authentication.

Check for location sharing: Find My (iPhone), Google location sharing, shared calendars, car GPS and connected-car apps, AirTags or Tiles in bags and vehicles, shared Amazon or streaming accounts, and family phone plans that report location.

Watch for: a phone that runs hot or drains unusually fast, apps you don't recognize, or the other person knowing things they have no ordinary way of knowing.

Safest option: a cheap prepaid phone on a new account, kept somewhere private. It costs less than a week of groceries and it is genuinely clean.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence maintains an excellent, current Safety Net guide at nnedv.org — it is more detailed than anything we could reproduce here.

Assume nothing until you have checked

Monitoring is far more common than most people expect, and it is usually installed by someone who had ordinary, legitimate access to your phone — not by a technical expert.

It also does not require software. Shared cloud accounts, family phone plans, connected-car apps, and shared calendars all leak location and activity without anything being installed at all.

Change your email password first

Before anything else, and from a device the other person has never touched — a work computer, a library machine, a friend's phone.

Email is the master key. Password resets for your bank, your phone account, your cloud storage, and your social media all arrive there. Securing anything else while your email is accessible accomplishes very little.

Then enable two-factor authentication, ideally with an app rather than SMS if the phone account is shared.

What to check, in order

Location sharing. Find My on iPhone; Google location sharing on Android. Check who is on the list.
Shared cloud accounts. An iCloud or Google account signed in on two devices shares photos, messages, and location.
Family phone plans. The account holder can often see call logs, texts, and location.
Connected-car apps. Modern vehicles report location and trip history to whoever holds the account.
Physical trackers. AirTags and Tiles in bags, coat linings, car glove boxes, under seats. Both iPhone and Android now alert to unknown trackers travelling with you — make sure those alerts are switched on.
Shared calendars and streaming accounts. Both reveal more about your movements than people realize.

Signs worth noticing

A phone that runs hot or drains unusually fast. Apps you do not recognize. Settings that revert after you change them. And most tellingly, the other person knowing things they have no ordinary way of knowing.

An important caution about removing monitoring

If someone is monitoring you and the monitoring suddenly stops, they will likely notice — and that can escalate the situation.

Before removing anything, think about timing, and consider speaking with an advocate. Sometimes the safer approach is to leave the monitored device as it is and use a separate clean device for anything private.

The simplest reliable answer

A cheap prepaid phone on a new account, paid for in cash, kept somewhere private. It costs less than a week of groceries and it is genuinely clean — no shared account, no history, no inherited access.

For detailed and current guidance, the National Network to End Domestic Violence maintains an excellent Safety Net guide at nnedv.org.

Questions people ask

How can I tell if there is spyware on my phone?

Common signs include unusual battery drain, the phone running hot, unfamiliar apps, and settings that revert. But the most reliable indicator is behavioral: the other person knowing things they have no ordinary way of knowing. If you suspect it, use a different device for anything private rather than trying to clean the suspect one.

Will they know if I remove tracking?

Very possibly, and this matters. If monitoring suddenly stops, it can prompt escalation. Consider timing carefully and speak with an advocate first. Using a separate clean device is often safer than disabling monitoring on the existing one.

Does private browsing hide what I look at?

It hides history from other users of the same device. It does not hide anything from monitoring software already installed, and it does not hide activity from a shared network or account. Treat it as a partial measure, not protection.

What should I secure first?

Your email password, changed from a device the other person has never used. Everything else — banking, cloud storage, social media — can be reset through email, so securing anything else first accomplishes little.

Where are you in all this?

A private reflection across sixteen areas of relationship experience. Roughly fifteen minutes, no account needed, and every answer stays in your browser — nothing is sent anywhere.

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